SUNRISE, Fla. – The legend of Kimbo Slice was built by beating bums in boat yards and back alleys not far from here. It came crashing down Saturday courtesy of a quick punch from a pink-haired journeyman giving up two inches in height, four in reach and 30 pounds in muscle and might.
One simple shot sent Slice to the canvas and from there some guy named Seth Petruzelli needed just 12 punches and 14 seconds to put an end (we hope) to one of the great sporting charades of all time.
It was just a matter of time before Kimbo got exposed. He was little more than a character out of central casting, a bunch of addictive YouTube videos and a lot of insane hype by CBS, which made him a headliner before he made himself a fighter.
He was the Kimbo the Cash Machine, everyone lining up to exploit the lie that this was the baddest man on earth as long as he could walk through hand-picked tomato cans.
Only this time his match with 44-year-old Ken Shamrock, who hadn’t won a fight in over four years, fell apart when Shamrock cut his eye in a light training session Saturday and was deemed unfit to fight by state officials.
In the scramble to find a suitable replacement that Slice couldn’t possibly lose to, EliteXC considered Shamrock’s brother, Frank, who was there to be CBS’s color commentator, hadn’t fought lately due to a broken arm and would have given up around 45 pounds. Despite all this, Frank likely would have submitted Kimbo in the first round.
When that matchup couldn’t happen (EliteXC said state officials wouldn’t clear him, Frank said they did but CBS blocked it), EliteXC promoters turned to Petruzelli. The Fort Myers, Fla., native had been dumped by the big-league UFC, was just 2-2 since 2004, had recently taken a year off to start a business, weighed just 205 (to Kimbo’s 235) and was so lightly regarded he was competing in the non-televised undercard.
Despite the oft-repeated propaganda that Slice was a man of “courage” for taking a fight with this smaller guy who was likely to stand and trade punches anyway, EliteXC paid Kimbo a cash bonus just to get him to step into the cage.
“We made it up to him,” said Jeremy Lappen, EliteXC’s head of fight operations. He wouldn’t disclose the amount.
For the myth of Slice, the matchup may not be a 44-year-old on a losing streak or someone from the broadcast booth, but really, what was the worst thing that could happen?
“It didn’t feel too flush,” Petruzelli said of the first punch that apparently didn’t even need to land squarely to fell Kimbo.
Make no mistake – or listen to the EliteXC spin – this was a disaster for Slice and the company. “This is MMA, all the best have lost,” said Lappen. True, but Kimbo wasn’t defeated by a crafty Brazilian jiu-jitsu master. He wasn’t caught in a submission by an experienced wrestler. He didn’t lose a decision after a three-round brawl.
Those would be understandable considering his novice status.
Kimbo was KTFO by a guy he absolutely towered over yet was willing to bang with him anyway. Not that Kimbo did any banging. Slice charged him (“He was like a truck,” Petruzelli said) but he never actually landed a punch.
In the end, Kimbo’s hand speed, defense and chin proved incapable against even an average mixed martial artist. Which was pretty much what every hardcore fan had predicted.
Not that CBS didn’t keep up with the Slice willing to fight, “anyone, anywhere, at anytime.” This was a 100 percent true statement if “anyone, anywhere, at anytime” means “no one any good, anywhere, ever.”
Slice seemed stunned and a bit saddened at the turn of events. After it was over, he initially began wrestling the referee. Whether that was a protest for the decision or because he was dazed isn’t certain. Then he walked around the cage complaining to fans about the stoppage.
Later he walked out on his CBS interview (“Kimbo?” asked a stunned Gus Johnson), although not before inviting America to an after party at a local nightclub. Then he showed up 45 minutes late for the main press conference, where he gave a quick statement and bailed.
“I got my first black eye,” he laughed. He later turned to Petruzelli and joked, “You knocked me out in front of my family; that’s (expletive) up.”
Through it all Slice remained the only likable character of this foolish farce. He wasn’t the one claiming he was the best in the world. He was just a working-class dude who figured out how to beat the system and cash in on his 15 minutes of fleeting fame.
He’s got kids to feed and bills to pay and right to the end, he was milking bonuses out of the promotion, a one-time homeless man holding the Tiffany Network’s prime-time programming hostage. Only in America.
He was the grand actor in the middle of a three-ring circus, a tall tale that would eventually come tumbling down under the bright glare of reality.
Where Slice goes from here is anyone’s guess. He can’t rebuild his reputation without stepping up in competition from the guy who just beat him in seconds. He can’t headline a card and have anyone believe he’s legit. He can’t claim he, “just got caught” when it wasn’t some wild, roundhouse right or sneaky arm-bar that did him in.
The truth was always coming for Kimbo. Saturday it arrived sooner rather than later, the money train grinding to a halt courtesy of a smaller, less heralded fighter that no one can claim is some elite champion.
No, this was it. It’ll never be the same, not for the fighter and not, perhaps, for his entire promotion that just lost its signature star on top of the $58 million it’s burned the past two years.
Afterward, EliteXC execs tried to paint a bright future but admitted they needed a drink. Lower-level employees used gallows humor about finding new jobs.
Kimbo just said he was going home to see his kids.
In 14 seconds flat, the whole mirage was gone.
Video Kimbo Knocked Out
Final curtain for the Kimbo show
Tons of pressure on Kimbo Slice to win fight
Kimbo Slice doesn’t have much on the line when he fights Saturday.
Well, other than the very existence of the promotion he fights for – the struggling EliteXC. Not to mention the short-term future of mixed martial arts on broadcast television, since CBS could pull the plug. And, of course, his earning power that comes mainly from perception and personality, not any actual body of work. At least not yet.
A loss risks everything, since winding up flat on your back doesn’t make much of a Nike commercial or a future as a pay-per-view draw.
In terms of competitive excellence, Kimbo Slice vs. Ken Shamrock in Fort Lauderdale, Fla. live on CBS isn’t much. In terms of importance in the brief history of MMA, it may wind up significant.
While it’s unlikely EliteXC, or any other league, can ever mount a serious challenge to the UFC’s immense popularity and market share, the possibility is non-existent if Kimbo loses.
EliteXC’s entire business model hangs on whether Slice, who gained fame from YouTube videos of his street scraps, can prove to be even an average MMA fighter.
It’s bizarre business scenario.
EliteXC has few name fighters and the conundrum of Slice. He’s the most famous and popular fighter in the world yet he may not be a top 50 heavyweight. He’s fought professionally just three times and it’s unlikely he’d make it out of the first round with anyone in the UFC.
Even his vaunted punching power – fearsome in boat yards and back alleys – isn’t much by big-time MMA standards.
If he was the devastating puncher he’s sold as, Kimbo would have laid out his last opponent, James “Colossus” Thompson, long before a cauliflower ear exploded in the third round. Fedor Emelianenko, the best heavyweight in the world, may have needed just one punch to win that fight.
The Kimbo legend lives on though. It’s the bearded, menacing, one-time homeless man, one-time porn company security guard who gets the big endorsement deals, not Fedor.
It’s Slice who can bring a nice Nielsen number, not anyone else EliteXC employs (even femme fatale Gina Carano) or perhaps even anyone on the UFC roster.
The trouble is, if Kimbo were to lose Saturday, there may not be a company on Monday – the promise of future ratings and pay-per-view buys gone if his famed ferocity is debunked.
The likeable Slice is rightfully cashing every check as quickly as possible. He’s an only in America rags-to-riches story, only one that will explode like Colossus’ ear at some point.
So Slice will enter the cage against Ken Shamrock, a pioneering legend in MMA who also happens to be 44 years old and without a victory in over four years. He hasn’t even made it out of the first round since then, a TKO loser in every fight.
To say he’s the ultimate set up for Slice kind of understates it (Kimbo is a 7-2 favorite in most sports books). Slice simply has to win.
Shamrock’s lack of recent success doesn’t guarantee it though. Thompson had lost seven of his previous nine fights – “They got him out of the (expletive) morgue,” UFC president Dana White laughed – and almost beat Kimbo anyway.
Slice’s previous victory came against the colorful Tank Abbott, who like Shamrock was an early star in the sport and comically billed himself as “master of the ancient martial art of kicking ass.” Don’t be too impressed, Abbott has just one victory since 1998 and was best served in fake professional wrestling.
Kimbo’s only other fight was a knockout of journeyman Bo Cantrell in just 19 seconds, which is impressive even if Cantrell was once dropped in a seemingly impossible five seconds.
To say there is a gap between Slice’s perception with the causal public and reality with hard core fans doesn’t begin to describe it. While it’s impossible to hate Slice for capitalizing on his earning opportunity, it’s just as impossible to approve of what he thus far represents to the growing sport.
He’s all sizzle, no steak.
At 34, Slice is too old to become an expert in one of the chief fighting styles such as Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu – which generally takes at least 10 years to master. He will need to rely on heart, punching and rudimentary wrestling and submission defense skills to survive in his career.
This being just his fourth pro fight, it would be understandable to bring him along delicately as he continues to improve under famed trainer Bas Rutten.
Being the headliner on prime time CBS cards, Nike endorser, and like it or not, the face of the sport, doesn’t allow such patience though.
He’s paid and promoted as the toughest man on earth (in one of the most outrageous bits of sports hyperbole ever he was compared to no less than Tiger Woods in his last CBS appearance). At some point he has to at least attempt to live up to anything near that status.
The public loves a circus, but how long can they sell Kimbo as a star when he’s only taking on the over-the-hill gang?
EliteXC’s problem is to step up the competition, which means a likely loss, which means a likely end to the company. That’s why a grudge match with the solid Brett Rogers, who called Slice out after May’s CBS card, was tabled and Shamrock was dusted off.
They may fight next on pay per view (along with Carano vs. Cristiane “Cyborg” Santos) to deliver some much-needed cash to an operation that lost over $56 million the last two years.
Or they might fight on CBS in hopes of getting an extension on its original four-fight deal with the network.
Either way, the goal for EliteXC is to make it to a next time. They need to tread water until some other stars emerge, they combine with another outfit or Slice develops enough to become a legitimate heavyweight.
Until then, this entire experiment is a house of cards, built on a charade of charisma and massive marketing.
So Saturday, Kimbo Slice must win or it all comes tumbling down, sooner rather than later.
